A Letter to Single Ladies from a Single Guy

November 12, 2012


A letter from me of this type to single men would serve little purpose, because they already know how a man’s mind works, and are extremely familiar with it.

Women’s understanding of our thinking however, is limited to two sources: what the men in their life communicate to them on the subject, and what culture communicates to them on the subject.

Unfortunately, these are two poor sources.

  • Men, because we often fail to communicate much at all about how we think (except through our actions), and what we do communicate, we often struggle to put into accurate terms.
  • Culture, because the moral landslide of our day has made culture the mouthpiece of Satan. And the depictions of a man and his mind portrayed on the internet, billboards, in music, on TV, and in every other outlet of our culture are shallow stereotypes and inaccurate exaggerations.

Deep in the heart of every girl is a desire to be beautiful. God put it there, and it’s a magical, wonderful thing.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that has created an ungodly, impossible, shallow, exaggerated, Barbie-doll definition of beauty.

And while we as men do appreciate your physical beauty, you would be surprised, I think, to discover how much deeper our appreciation of who you are goes.

Happy girls are the prettiest. And the radiant combination of humility and confidence that shines through a girl in love with Jesus is simply beautiful.

In fact, let me share with you a little-known secret: the more you pursue God, the more your God-given beauty shines through.

And don’t forget that you attract what you are. If your conversation, appearance, and values are shallow and worldly, you will become a magnet for shallow and worldly guys. If, however, your conversation, appearance, and values are decent and Godly, you will attract guys that are decent and Godly. The choice is yours.

(And contrary to popular perception, we want to pursue you; not the other way around. A man is not wired to be pursued.)

Women have been compared to apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree. Many men take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. This causes the apples at the top to think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re the most valuable. They just have to wait for God to bring their prince along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

When you dress immodestly, you are using your body as a tool to capture our attention. And while doing so may arouse our flesh, it will never captivate our heart. God gave you your beauty as a gift to be earned, not a tool to be wielded.

And your beauty extends far beyond your body. You are a child of God. You are the Creator’s captivating creation.

So remember: the beauty of your actions and attitudes speak far louder and lastingly than worldly girls’ shallow appeals for attention.

 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. – 1 Peter 3:3-4

You are valuable. You are at the top of the tree. You are worth fighting for.

Don’t let culture tell you different.

Not all of us guys are the shallow weaklings we are portrayed as. Some of us appreciate righteousness and inner beauty. And some of us are proud of you for dressing with modesty and acting with propriety.