If Prayer Was Like Calling Technical Support

June 6, 2012

Ring… Ring…Ring…Click. “Thank you for calling Heaven’s support line. All of our angels are currently assisting other humans right now. Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line, and someone will be with you shortly. Thank you.” Trumpet music. Probably pre-recorded by Gabriel.

Five minutes later: the music is interrupted by a voice again: “Thank you for holding. All angels are still assisting other humans. Calls are answered in the order they were received. You are currently call…Seven. Hundred. Twenty. Three. Thousand. Four hundred. Thirty. Nine. …Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line, and someone will be with you shortly. Thank you.” Trumpet music resumes.

Four hours later: “All of our angels are still assisting other humans. For medical emergencies, press one. For financial assistance, press two. For encouragement, press three. For help on a test, press four. To speak with an operator, press zero.”  I press zero.

Ring…ring…ring…Click. “Thank you for calling Heaven, this is Thomas. Can I get your first and last name?”

“Josh Hood.”

“Thank you, John. And what continent are you calling from?”

“Uh, it’s Josh. And I’m calling from North America.”

“I’m sorry, John, this is the Asia department. Let me transfer you to the North America department. Please hold.” More trumpet music.

Twenty minutes later: “Thank you for calling Heaven, this is Matthew.”

“Is this the North America department?”

“Yes it is.”

“Oh good! My name’s Josh, and I have an issue with-“

“I show here on your account that you’ve already opened a support request earlier this month?”

“Uh yeah, my friend had a car accident and I prayed for him.”

“I’m sorry sir, but we offer one complimentary support request per person per month. If you’d like to continue with this new issue, there will be a charge. Or you might be interested in our new “Unlimited Physical Needs” or “Unlimited Spiritual Needs” plans that start at just $999.95 per month…”

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“Call unto me, and I will answer thee…” – Jeremiah 33:3

Aren’t you glad prayer isn’t like that?! You can leave a comment by clicking here.